"Ladies, if you like a bad boy, I've been thrown out of a pub in daylight" please log in to view this image
I was at the gym last night and a noticed a hole in my trainer just big enough to put my finger in. Anyway she complained and now I’m banned for life
Three old boys chatting in the care home and one says "I am really struggling at the moment, I go for days and days without taking a dump and when I do it is agony trying to push it out, it's making my life a nightmare" The second says "Well I am struggling to take a piss properly, sometimes I go without one for ages and when I do eventually manage to go I'm lucky if I get a dribble coming out" The third chap says "You two don't know a damn thing about struggles. At 6:00 every morning I take a massive dump and a piss that a racehorse would be proud of" "What's wrong with that?" they asked "I don't wake up until 7:30!"
A man returned from hospital looking worried. "What's the matter?" asked his wife. "The consultant said I have to take one of these tablets every day for the rest of my life," the husband replied. "That's not too bad," said the wife, trying to cheer him up. "It is," said the husband, "he only gave me seven."