606 the ridiculous things that they banned

I saw quite a few articles on 606 banned that were funny, but got banned because the mods had a stick up their arse.

Here's one I wrote a while back that lasted all of two minutes until some tit pressed the mod button:

Inside the Redknapp household



Louise: Jamie, put down that Wii remote and come here a minute!

Jamie: What’s up darlin?

Louise: I was just on the world wide web and I came across this video. What does Keys mean 'knowing you, you’d be hanging out the back of that?'

Jamie: Erm….

Louise: That’s it, I’m cancelling the Thompson holiday!

Harry: Has anybody seen my tax return?

Jamie: It’s just Keys being a mug darlin…Don’t cancel the horse riding and keepy-uppy holiday in Egypt.

Harry: I’m sure I left it underneath this envelope full of money.

Louise: I can’t trust you Jamie….How do I know that Keys is lying? Souness seemed to think it was funny…And nobody stuck up for you!

Harry: I think that thief in Spain might have pinched it with my wallet!

Jamie: I didn’t do nothing…I swear…Now, will you leave me alone, I nearly got to level 5 yoga expert on the Wii fit!

Louise: I hate you Jamie Redknapp!

Harry/Jamie/Keys/Gray: WIMAN!!
========================================

Anybody else got an article that got slung for nothing?

 

That's class.

We had a thread about this on the Toon board when we first moved, I'll dig it out.

 

I created an account roundabout Remembrance Sunday called 'Colin Stewart - BBC sport' and done an article on the Sellik Board telling them not to post anything at 11 o'clock.

I got banned

 

They'll ban anything which even hints at being libellous. Your mention of Harry's tax returns would have had alarm bells ringing.

I had a thread pulled where all I did was repeat allegations of corruption that their own Panorama programme had made about Jack Warner the previous night. It all must have been cleared by the BBC lawyers before Panorama aired it, so why is it deemed too risky for 606?

I also had one pulled when I said that Nigel Kennedy used to be a kiddy fiddler, but was now a respected adult violinist. Anyone with half a brain in their head can see that it was a joke, but they're clearly under instructions to delete anything even vaguely controversial without thinking.

 

http://www.not606.com/showthread.php/26505-Your-favourite-banned-article-on-606

 

When Newcastle and Boro were relegated I wrote saying hat at last we would end up cock of the north, was banned for saying cock

 

I had an article deleted about Ki's racism towards Japan. They even reported about it themselves but banned my article about it.

That's just poor form.

 

I think any word that's in the Oxford dictionary should be allowed on any forum.

What use is putting words in the dictionary if we can't use said words?

****ers.

 

Nah Chambers Dictionary, it has more swearing in.

http://www.chambersharrap.co.uk/chambers/features/chref/chref.py/main?query=****&title=21st

 

Well, I found this by Robbo Robson that they modded...

"For where once a Shepherd led them, who was begat by Hall, now all was bleak, and Gallows humour did descend upon the Gate of Gallow and the faithful army of Toon did from their terraces traipse like men marching toward their own demise.

And the Lard Ashley, much fraught by false idols and the turning over of tables in the temples of International Trading, did look uponst his lowly flock (many of whom didst not now give a flock) and gravely did he stroke his 30 chins. And thus did he speak unto the Wise Man:

Hath I not brought them great riches? Hath I not gifted them the Keegan and the Owen, the Butt and the Duff?"

"Aye, but they are all a bit duff. And truly, Lard, 'tis easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a roly-poly Cockney to win over the hearts of the Baa-baa Codes."

"Really, good Dennis?"

"Aye, for I'm not Jokin' 'Ere!"

"Peace be with him. But might I be ForGiven?"

"Perhaps - but then you floggeth him to Man City!"

"O-Ba-Femi's Sake!" cried the ailing Lard, and not one Geordie voice was raised in tribute, for hope was gone, and he didst ponder those that trod this road before him (without, it should be emphasised, ever winning bog-all either.)

And then he turned once more from the Shadow of the Valley of Debt.
For still one Saviour had not answered the call. He whose cupboard would groan to the weight of silverware were it not for the fact that a Geordie's roots are never severed. He whose cuffs and collars match not his shirts but woe betide the man that doth liken his fashion sense to Alex Higgins circa 1982. He who doth in voice and gesture contain all the charisma of a speak-your-weight machine.

And lo it did come to pass (and twas the first decent pass St James's had seen for about six months) that he that didst lie with the Lawro and the Hansen upon the Couch of Comfy Punditry, didst from his cushions rise. Aloft held he a goalscorer's arm and uponst the banks of the Tyne did gather the flock. For who better to tidy up the tatty sheep of Tyneside than he that is called Shearer. (Or if we return to his days of yore upon the battlefield - he that is called SHHHEEEEEEEEEAAAAAARRRRRR-EERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!)

And lo, didst he find the Owen and say unto him "Pick up thy physio's couch and walk" and Michael did so, and joy unconfined his knees held out for eight games (and still Capello went for James Beattie in his stead). And upon the Viduka did he place his healing hands and lo he was thin and lean and pacy.

And to the Duff did he go. And he didst say unto the Duff "Art thou a man or art thou Morten Gamst Pedersen?" and - oh grateful star - thus shamed, the lad stayed on his feet for a change.

And unto the Barton did he go, and forgave him his sins until the end of the season when he was sold to the False Prophet and saviour of prodigals Big Sam for an absolute snip.

And to the many mysterious beasts of the barcode, the Bassong and the Beye, the flailing Coloccini and the elusive Cacapa he didst have words of praise and succour.
And the Wise Man did jest: "Up here, there's a succour born ever minute!" And to the Wise Man did Shearer turn and thus he spake: "How, man, pack ya bags, bonny lad, we div'n need your sort round here, like."

And lo didst he say to his strikers: "Hast thou put nothing into the net? Then cast thy balls on the other side!" and hallelujah, the onion bags did bulge aplenty.
And the Army of Toon did rejoice, for the Shearer had changed their whines into slaughter.

But still the flock sat unsatisfied. "Though three points you have gleaned, oh Greatest Ever Geordie, yet how shall we survive on a mere 32 points? Even the Mackems have more!"

"Take of them points and break them amongst yourselves and lo, see how many they maketh compared to the Baggies and the Boro, who even poorer than us are."
But the crowd spoke once more.

"How canst we be sure of you, oh Chief Magpie - when so many have come and gone before you, 'tis less of a manager's seat and more of a public convenience with a revolving door uponst it?"

The Shearer raised up his single arm. "Nay, fear ye not. Though it appears we are between a Northern Rock and a Hard Place [the Championship] I shall within the year take you all towards the distant shores of the Europa!"

"How shall we get there?"

And spake the Shearer: "I shall walk. You lot take the ferry."

And so didst he finish his press conference thus: "Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is a good first eleven. Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall not be stroppy just cos the ref doesn't give them a pen. Blessed are the bleak: for they shall not inhibit their girth.

"Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall keep supporting a local club regardless of its cost to their souls. Blessed are the p***takers: for they shall be called the Army of Toon.

"Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for Newcastle's sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in a few years time - if the board don't get all itchy-footed and sack us after six matches. Ah, man!"

Let us pray.

 

jerseymackem, that's brilliant.

This one got banned too. It was about Rangers fans....Sorry bears.


Smells like fish and tastes a bit bitter.

Ingredients:

1oz of FACT. This is the central ingredient to wum grub. No matter how bitter and unpalatable the actual truth might seem…..Putting FACT into the mix makes it an undisputed treat for Bears and makes any truth, no matter how hard to handle, evaporate.

200g of your fans are pure worse than us. Although the Manchester brand of this is readily available, you would need to find the ‘Who phoned the ref up’ brand if the wum food is to be made to a successful level.

500g of superiority complex. This is one of the hardest ingredients to replicate. You will need to take an inferiority complex and turn it into a superiority complex. I recommend saying over and over again “We arra people”. In no time at all you will have turned that frown upside down and be in position to feel superior in every way.

53 kilos of titles. Although some of this ingredient is very old and mostly found in WW2 ration books, it has kept well and is still fresh in the minds of your average Bear. Do not…I repeat…Do not add any European cup titles into this mix as it would become poison to Bears.


Once you have all your ingredients, mix then mix again….Actually, keep mixing it for endless seasons until it’s ready to cook….And then mix it a bit more.

Place in the oven for 30 minutes using a tinfoil hat…These also can be found in the minds of Bears. If you’re having difficulty getting one, just question a blatant penalty or offside decision and one should appear as if by magic.

Plate up and eat in the Article awaiting moderation part of the restaurant the Bears have set up just for anybody with a good point to make….You’ll find me there in a minute no doubt.;-)

Hail, Hail Bhoys and Ghirls

 

i got banned for this : my wife told me she's leaving me because im too kinky. i nearly spat out her piss when she told me

 

I might be wrong, but that could be a reason to ban you.

 

bhoyzilla surely a mere slap on the wrist wouldve done not a full ban

 

you should have put a link in to a golden shower picture, just for effect like.

 

too many to mention , though "subterannean hunsick blues" was probably my personal favourite.

 

The word 'Hun' would set off all sorts of alarms!!


****in huns.

 

i put a link to a gay black fella on the chelsea board once with a diferent account lasted ages .......hmm something about them chelsea fans aint right

 

So true. Most are armed with air rifles and lube.