A Joke to take our minds off transfers

I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy thai bird.
I thought to myself "Please dont get an erection Please dont get an erection"

BUT SHE DID

 

Hahahaha that worked for a minute or so. Well played Sir.

 

"take our minds off transfers........" What bloody transfers?

All weve got are gossip and rumors. It's doing my head in.

 

Q: What's the difference between a Geordie lass and the Titanic?










A: Only 1500 men went down on the Titanic.

 

Didnt work for you then cyprus

 

Any news from the AOL?

 

Muntari been seen there apparently but this is taken from the smb, so 100% complete bull.

 

Q: What does a Geordie lass do with her arsehole before having sex?








A: She takes him down the pub and gets him pissed.

 

Here's s a very non political correct joke. If I was on Sky I'd get sacked for this.

Woman goes to the doctors in a clear state of distress. The GP asks her what's happened.

"It's my husband" she says. "Every time he comes in the house, beats me black and blue like this!"

"He's always giving me a good hiding" she tells the doctor.

"Go home and when your husband is about to come home, make yourself a nice cup of sweet tea" says the doctor. "Then take a swig and swish it from one side of your mouth to the other for a few minutes. Pop back in a week's time and we'll see if things have improved"

She calls back the following week, and she says to the GP; "That's amazing! I made the tea like you said. I swished it from side to side for a few minutes. He stared at me blankly for a while but he hasn't laid a hand on me all week! How can a cup of tea make such as difference" she asks.

"The tea's got **** all to do with it" says the doctor. "It's keeping your mouth shut that's done the trick!"

 

No mate I liked the joke....Just getting impatient for news.

 

Fire brigade phones Pardew in the early hours of Sunday morning...

"Mr Pardew, Sid James Park is on fire!"

"The cups! Save the cups!" shouts Pardew.



"Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."

 

Apparently there's a library and reading room at Sid James's Park just above the fire department that's been there since last August.

Local press said it should come as no surprise to anyone, as the club has had ideas above their station since the start of the season.

 

A girl i was talking to in the pub the other night asked me for an example of a sexual inuendo...so i gave her one...

 

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vordskontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

 

56Danny thats excellent

 

I bought some biscuits yesterday, on the packet it said "Store in a cool place."

So I mailed them to Samuel L. Jackson's house

 

Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman wan't to see the 2012 Olympics but haven't got tickets The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover and walks up to the gate and say's MacTavish discus and gets let in.
The Englishman picks up a scaffold pole and walks up to the gate and say's Wilson pole vault and he also gets let in.
Paddy picks up a role of barbed wire walks up to the gate and say's O'Malley Fencing.

 

56 Danny .................... quality .... still laughing