An Honest Approach

In order for me to assess your suitability as a prospective forum friend, I require you to answer the following five questions. Abject honesty will be rooted out and vanquished, so please do enter into this test with an open heart and mind. Thank you.

1) Have you masturbated within the last 12 hours?
2) Do you study your freshly laid stools?
3) Would you endanger your health in the pursuit of sexual intercourse?
4) Do you vomit or feel nauseated soon after orgasm?
5) Do you scratch your anus when it is itching?

 

1. No
2. Mine tend to be sloppy and yes
3. Possibly
4. No
5. Sometimes
Hi Ponders.

 

No
No
Yes
No
Yes yes yes yes YEEEESSSSS

 

Much gratitude for your wisidal cummerances, Duncan. I am a little flandexed by your 'Hi Ponders' remarkation, but I shall alluferate on this occasion.

 

You do that pal.

 

A syndantical approach to question five is a little over fleshous and concordisal. Please refrain during future fraticisms.

 

Haha brilliant. Im screaming.

 

No for them all apart from 5

 

I see your jigaboo persona lasted all of a week, Bib.

 

!) yes but I didn't finish
2) I do look back at the bowl but usually my turds are covered over with bog paper used to wipe my arse. It is always pleasing to see a gorilla's finger poking out of the water though
3) I've had a few danger w.anks in my time and also in the great outdoors but nothing too risky
4) No
5) Rarely get an itchy anus, I usually find being fastidiously clean helps. I recommend Andrex wet wipes and regular bathing.

 

1. I don't think so
2. Not mine, no
3. No, but I'd happily endanger someone else's
4. No. Sometimes during but never after
5. Yes. I sneak off to the toilet and use one of my work colleague's biros for the purpose then surreptitiously put it back on her desk afterwards

 

So much for answering honestly.

Good day, sir

 

1) Nope
2) Yep
3) Any real man would
4) Nope
5) With abandon

 

1) Have you masturbated within the last 12 hours? Stutteringly so, I'm afraid
2) Do you study your freshly laid stools? When they are solid, yes
3) Would you endanger your health in the pursuit of sexual intercourse? I have one eye, one testicle, no neck to speak of, and a cavernous arsehole, so yes
4) Do you vomit or feel nauseated soon after orgasm? When in Serbia, yes
5) Do you scratch your anus when it is itching? I have my man do it for me

 

'I hated her' New dad opens up on heartbreaking battle with postnatal depression

Ross Hunt has given a brutally honest account of his mental ill-health following the birth of his daughter, Isabelle.

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/family-kids/i-hated-her-new-dad-11368783

@monacoger

 

My kids are two boys, you stupid poof.

 

I was trying to be sensitive here and was hoping you would open up about your battle with postnatal depression but I see you're still in denial mode.

You'll get there, pal. You'll get there.

 

Ftfy