Off Topic And Now for Something Completely Different

Don’t panic, it was only temporary. The song a pub with no beer was about how devastating it was when the beer supplies ran out at that hostelry for a time,

 

Indeed.




The views expressed in my posts are not necessarily.

 

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The ball was in man!

 

1. 
   Top ten dad jokes
   1 Elevators terrify me... I'm taking steps to avoid them.
2. I got an e-mail saying 'At Google Earth, we can even read maps backwards', and I thought... 'That's just spam...'
3. What do you call a man with no shins? Tony.
4. Me and my friends put a band together, we named it 999 megabytes. Still don't have a gig though.
5. I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9. The odds were against me.
6. I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda. It was a Fanta Sea.
7. Just got hospitalized due to a peekaboo accident. They put me in the ICU.
8. In college I was so broke I couldn't afford the electricity bill. Those were the darkest days of my life.
9. I went to the Doctor with hearing problems. He said 'Can you describe the symptoms?' I said: 'Homer's a fat dude and Marge has blue hair.'
10. I said to my wife: 'When I die I'd like to die having sex.' She replied: 'At least it'll be quick.'
11. I've decided I want a pet termite. I'm going to call him Clint. Clint Eatswood.
12. So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.
13. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? 10-tickles.
14. 'Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?' No sun.
15. I figured out why Teslas are so expensive. It's because they charge a lot.
16. Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed? Everybody.
17. My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns. Well, toucan play at that game.
18. Did you hear about the new Origami Porn channel? It's paper view only.
19. I was really angry when I ran into my friend Mark who stole my dictionary. I said, 'Mark, my words!'
20. I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.

 

You can move from Virgin to Climax, but still have your heart in ****ers Corner…

 

I went Bobsleighing the other day.

Killed 250 Bobs.

 

there's a nice town in canada called dildo
has a great brewery there too

 

There’s a town in southern Saskatchewan called Big Beaver and I believe there’s Clit in Norway and ****ing in Austria!

 

Indeed. People kept stealing the ****ing signs.

 

A village called **** in Germany

 

Oxford University Press word of the year for 2022, 'goblin mode'.
Apart from it being 2 words is it just me that's never heard of it?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-63857329

 

I thinks its when the Mrs really really wants to nosh you off.

 

Does that ever happen? Asking for a friend who doesn't think it'll ever happen to him.

 

A woman I was with was gagging for it.

 

Ropes and gag too tight?




The views expressed in my posts are not necessarily mine.

 

Reminds me of a joke.

A man is visiting his wife who is in hospital in a long term Coma.

The nurse and a Dr pulls him to one side and tell him they've had a break through. They explained that while they were washing between her legs she moved a little and mad a small moaning sound. The Dr suggests they give him and his wife a little privacy and he tries oral sex with her to see if it simulates her out of the coma.

He readily agrees and they leave the room. 2 minutes later all the alarms go off on the monitors and they come rushing back in. what happened ask the Dr?

"I don't know" says the husband " I just got going and she started gagging and choking!!"