As they seem to be popular, its the death joke thread

Following the recent popular trend of laughing about death.

Here are some death jokes I found.

I don't understand rich people. They get to go out killing pheasants and foxes with rifles and people clap and cheer.

I killed a horse, which is ten times the size of a pheasant and people just cried.

Plus I didn't even have a gun, I had to use a hammer.


I'd be gutted if I was a victim of Jack the Ripper.


Last week my best friend who was Chinese died.

I went to China to attend the funeral and pay my respects.

When people close to you die, it's weird how you see their face everywhere you look.



My father strongly believes that you should live every day like it is your last.

That is why for the past 17 years he has been in the intensive care unit with an oxygen mask and a tube up his arse.


Yahoo.com - "World's oldest man dies"

Why does this keep happening?


I got kicked out of the cancer ward in the local hospital yesterday.
Apparently laughter isn't the best medicine.


I'd just like to thank all those people who have taken the time to put lovely bouquets of flowers by the side of the road.

It really brightens up my drive to work.


I said to my wife, "Do you hear that? No one whining, moaning or complaining. The sound of silence. It's beautiful isn't it?"

And placed her urn back on the mantelpiece.


Apparently, my grandad has been like a 'fish out of water' since moving into the old peoples home.

In other words, he's dead.


A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, while conscious, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes filling with tears.
"You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times: When i got fired, you comforted me. When my business failed, you supported us both. When I got shot, you nursed me back to health. When we lost the house, you endured living in a shabby rented flat.

Now my health has started failing and you are still right by my side... You know what?"

"What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck, why don't you just **** off."


64 feared dead in power plant blast

D'OH!


I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.


Whitney Houston died just hours after being asked to be a judge on the next season of X-Factor.

Personally I think she made the right decision.


Supermarkets are only there so you buy things you don't need. For example, during the summer heatwave, I bought 8 cans of dog food. When I got back to my car, however, I discovered I didn't need it.


News : '74 Year Old Man Clubbed To Death'.

Wow, what a party animal!


People who are opposed to bringing back capital punishment, often argue that the death penalty has no effect on re-offending rates.

I couldn't agree more. I've lost count of the number of times I've been mugged by a corpse.

 

FFS!

 

I don´t recall it being popular, in fact if I remember correctly, you were the only one making fun of it, and turning what could have been a decent thread into a farce, and as regards this lunacy, death is hardly a joking matter, however warped a sense of humour you may have.

 

I'm confused? This is supposed to be a joke based thread isn't it?

So where are the jokes?

(cue hilarious response from Carrabuh informing me that he's not surprised that I'm "confused")

 

I don't find Bernard Manning-level humour funny.

 

...and just when I was thinking Dave and his Princess Diana thread had the Fruit Loop of the Week award sewn up.

 

Embarrassingly unfunny.

 

Dearie me.

I thought I failed badly when I slated Russel Martin the other day. This is on a whole new level.

 

New levels of imbecility have been plummeted to. Not a sign of humour to be found. Is humour dead?

 

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