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Dear Mrs K... Barnsley's in house agony aunt solves your problems.

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by Kittenish, Jan 18, 2019.

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  1. Kittenish

    Kittenish Well-Known Member

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    plainaa.jpg


    Okay it seems everyone on the Barnsley forums has problems...why else would you go there.
    Post your problem up (keep it clean please) and I will endeavour to advise you. :emoticon-0135-makeu

    Here is an example...

    Dear Mrs K,

    I have a new girlfriend and I am embarrassed to take my shirt off in front of her as I have 3 nipples.

    Gary from New Zealand
     
    #1
    Kittenish, Jan 18, 2019
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    So what advice did you give to Kiwi, sorry I meant Gary ?........
     
    #2
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 18, 2019
    Gordon Armstrong, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 2 others like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Dear Mrs K,

    A friend of mine (well, I hardly know him really - just someone I met in the pub) has a nasty rash on his undercarriage. He thinks it's from sitting on a seat at Southampton FC's ground watching them embarrassingly lose to Derby in the FA Cup. Is there any ointment you can recommend that will clear it up quickly before his missus notices that he is currently walking like John Wayne ?

    Yours Itchingly,

    Frank from Derby
     
    #3
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 18, 2019
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  4. Eric Le Merde

    Eric Le Merde Well-Known Member

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    Dear Mrs K

    Friends of mine have developed a ringing, well actually a sort of whinging, in their ears over the last week. It comes and goes but seems to be at its loudest when they are in company of Frank from Derby, could it be he has a rash on his undercarriage too? I do hope it's not terminal, for my freinds that is.

    Annonynmusuues, Damn damn damn I just don't want to leave my name, OK !!!
     
    #4
    Eric Le Merde, Jan 18, 2019
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  5. Kittenish

    Kittenish Well-Known Member

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    Dear Frank,
    Sounds like a serious case of gloat.
    I recommend the following to be used sparingly twice a day until the gloating subsides.
    CrackCreme.jpg
     
    #5
    Kittenish, Jan 18, 2019
    Gordon Armstrong, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Do I have to buy it "under the counter" or can I get it on Prescription ?
     
    #6
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 18, 2019
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  7. Kittenish

    Kittenish Well-Known Member

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    Dear anonymous,
    We are all friends here. Don't be shy.
    Has your friend been near Frank's undercarriage ? This is how these things spread. I recommend the following until whinging ceases.
    81Z7HOpo+YL._SY445_.jpg
     
    #7
    Kittenish, Jan 18, 2019
    Gordon Armstrong, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 2 others like this.
  8. Eric Le Merde

    Eric Le Merde Well-Known Member

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    I'll get a carton for Frank of Derby right away
     
    #8
    Eric Le Merde, Jan 18, 2019
    Gordon Armstrong, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 2 others like this.
  9. Eric Le Merde

    Eric Le Merde Well-Known Member

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    Dear Mrs K,

    I am concerned that my grandfather is not able to drive his car properly. He is only 97 and he can't see why he shouldn't be able to drive on the road, especially as his wife owns them. He usually drives around in large 4x4 and I am seeking advice from you as I think I need to have a word with him and want you to tell me the best way to raise the issue with him, he is a little hot headed.

    H
     
    #9
    Eric Le Merde, Jan 18, 2019
    Gordon Armstrong, Kittenish, Didley Squat and 2 others like this.
  10. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    #10
    Didley Squat, Jan 19, 2019
    Gordon Armstrong, kiwiqpr, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.

  11. Kittenish

    Kittenish Well-Known Member

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    I am concerned that my grandfather is not able to drive his car properly. He is only 97 and he can't see why he shouldn't be able to drive on the road, especially as his wife owns them. He usually drives around in large 4x4 and I am seeking advice from you as I think I need to have a word with him and want you to tell me the best way to raise the issue with him, he is a little hot headed.

    H[/QUOTE]
    out-of-office-email-670x335.jpg

    H,

    Problems only answered Monday to Friday so you just need to man up until then. I will get back to you.

    Mrs K
     
    #11
    Kittenish, Jan 19, 2019
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  12. Kittenish

    Kittenish Well-Known Member

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    Dear on the small side,

    I don't help with problems over the weekend, bank holidays and whenever I fancy some time off. I will get back to you Monday...possibly.
    I suggest you practice your keepie uppies until then. Maintain for as long as possible.

    Mrs K.
     
    #12
    Kittenish, Jan 19, 2019
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  13. Eric Le Merde

    Eric Le Merde Well-Known Member

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    Dear Mrs K

    My concerns don't only exist 9-5 Monday to Friday !!!!
     
    #13
    Eric Le Merde, Jan 19, 2019
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  14. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    My problems are only on weekends and after hours!
     
    #14
    Didley Squat, Jan 21, 2019
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  15. Kittenish

    Kittenish Well-Known Member

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    Dear H,

    don't be a hot head.

    I have put together this booklet for you. Please send me £500 and I will pop it in the post. Until it arrives I suggest you hide the car keys.

    507e9c1a19791934d9b96cf934b91edd--aging-parents-senior-living.jpg

    Mrs K.
     
    #15
    Kittenish, Jan 21, 2019
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  16. Kittenish

    Kittenish Well-Known Member

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    Dear on the small side but only on weekends and after hours.

    If this is the case I suggest you only try out for the team Monday to Friday between 9 and 5. Problem solved!

    Or maybe...
    maxresdefault (2).jpg
    Let me know how you get on....

    Mrs K.
     
    #16
    Kittenish, Jan 21, 2019
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  17. Kittenish

    Kittenish Well-Known Member

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    You might give these a try as well...

    pomleft2.jpg
     
    #17
    Kittenish, Jan 21, 2019
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Dear Mrs/Special K,

    My local Sperm Bank is only open on a Friday........what am I supposed to do before then ?! Hope I'm not being too premature.......

    Yours sincerely,

    Arthur W Anker
     
    #18
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2019
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  19. Kittenish

    Kittenish Well-Known Member

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    Dear Arthur,

    I need to know if you wish to withdraw or make a deposit in order to give the correct advice .

    Mrs K.
     
    #19
    Kittenish, Jan 22, 2019
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  20. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    I had a girlfriend get in line at the sperm bank but was unable to talk when she got to the teller.
     
    #20
    Didley Squat, Jan 22, 2019
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