Drunken/Smacked up injuries

as mentioned on an earlier thread i ****ed my knee by hurdling a wall pissed, i've also broken my wrist trying to climb over a fence, my mate fractured my thumb because i wanted to prove i had a higher pain threshold than her, broke a few knuckles and dislocated a thumb and popped it back in a few hours later but have no recollection of this (xray told them this had happened).

how about you lot?

 

I tried to break up a fight amongst pals when we were all pished, got arrested for it and they broke my wrist when they forced me to the ground

 

****ed hands.........fighting!

once smashed a light buld on my head for a joke..."drummonds, aberdeen" went offshore the next day and it wasnt until a week later pulled and bit bit of glass out of my finger......it was killing for a week and the relief when it came out was ****ing euphoric

 

a guy i went to school with was running the back gardens when some smart bastard had a line of barbed wire on top of their fence. he tore his sac open

nae baws

 

Still got a sore hand from the night that boy chinned me in "Priory" Gazza? When you broke the guys nose.

 

sure i mentioned this before but exact same thing happened to me in east kilbride (the only time i've been there), got hit in the head with a high heel and nicked for basically being the easiest person to arrest

 

ffs

i actually gasped when i read that dougie

 

i hate coppers

 

he was about 14 when that happened and he never got any taller after that and i don't think he needs to shave either.

it must look prety wierd though only having a cock but no balls.

 

Torn ankle ligaments and bruised tailbone falling off the top of a mosque while pished.

Polis spotted me doing it so they cuffed me and rolled me in the back of the wagon. Only night I've ever spent in a cell and it wasnt nice at all. Didnt get out until 3pm the next day and almost got done for racial breach of the peace

 

you've ruined my day dougie. i'm not squeamish but the idea of this ball-less man child is giving me the boke. he should've been put down, its not right.

 

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I've actually been to court for "Aggravated Assault and Uttering Racial Remarks" got found Not Guilty though

 

That was 5 years ago it happened and it was then I realised how easy it was to get accused of racism. I worked during the week on secondment in Birmingham and came home for weekends so obviously I had loads of asian and black mates! Racist ma arse! I was pumping a black girl at the time

To be fair to the cops, those attacks in London had happened only 6 weeks before so maybe they thought at the time I was about to torch the place.

It happened at the mosque in Stirling, just before the town centre. I had been drinking all day celebrating us beating the tims 3-1.

 

if it had gone to court would you have used "i'm pumping a black girl" in your defence?

 

Exactly, I was in a nightclub and the head bouncer had taking a kicking off my mate who used to work with him. So the ****ing Ape dragged me out by the throat without warning and my mate phoned the pigs. When they arrived the guy said I spat in the face of his black bouncer and said "Throw the nigger a bone"

Luckily the judge was horrified that the case had even made it to court as he's had this thug before him a couple of times before and realised every word out his mouth as ****e. Plus the black bouncer who didn't work at that place anymore just denied that I did it and said I had even apologised for the behaviour of my mate who was going mental about the other guy grabbing me by the throat.

The judge said "The accused is deifiantly indignant about the charges brought against him and I hope he feels fully vindicated by this verdict, I can only apolgise if he feels there has been any mark against his good name"

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you're not nelson mandela venom

 

I was supposed to go to court but got told when I turned up they werent even bothering.

Bumped into the cop that looked after me in the cells a few months later outside the fubar when trying to help one of my ex birds mates who had fallen flat on her face. He just said he was pleased to see I'm not flying off the top of the mosque tonight.

I think they were just trying to **** me up that night. Or maybe they seen the ****ing mess I left myself in and thought that was punishment enough.

 

Thats not what I tell girls I meet on nights out. I tell them I'm the Nobel Prize winning, Human Rights Champion Former Prime Minister of South Africa and I'm in my 80's

 

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bitches aint ****