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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I was arrested yesterday for Shoplifting, The Officer said, "You are being charged with Stealing Two Bottles of Wine"...
    I said, "You can't Charge me for Stealing Two Bottles"...
    Officer, "Why not"...?
    I said, "It was buy one get one free"...
     
    #5721
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 16, 2018
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5722
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 16, 2018
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  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5723
    kiwiqpr, Dec 16, 2018
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Two old ladies were chatting one day. They were talking about this and that and the subject finally got around to sex. The first old lady said she enjoyed sex all the time, and just as much as ever. The second old lady was surprised and asked her what her secret was. The first old lady said when she hears her husband pulling the car into the garage she hurries and takes a shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head. When her husband comes into the bedroom he gets turned on and has his way with her. The second old lady decides to try this approach so that night when she heard her husband coming home, she takes a quick shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head. her husband comes into the bedroom takes one look and says, "For God's sake Maude, comb your hair and put your teeth in."
     
    #5724
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 16, 2018
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5725
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 17, 2018
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5726
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 17, 2018
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5727
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 17, 2018
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5728
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 17, 2018
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  9. Bloemfonteinbilly

    Bloemfonteinbilly Well-Known Member

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    Haha! Surely candidates for the Jeremy Kyle Show!
     
    #5729
    Bloemfonteinbilly, Dec 18, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Wooperts_duck, Uber_Hoop and 1 other person like this.
  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5730
    kiwiqpr, Dec 18, 2018
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5731
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 18, 2018
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5732
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 18, 2018
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The wife said she wants a Philips 42 inch for Christmas.

    Where the f*ck am I going to get a screwdriver that big?
     
    #5733
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 18, 2018
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Every Christmas I'd come running downstairs to the big pile of presents and start unwrapping them as fast as I could. Sometimes there would be fights over who had the best toys but we would all make up later and sit down to have a three hour lunch before watching TV for the rest of the day.

    I really miss working at the Royal Mail sorting office........
     
    #5734
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 18, 2018
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5735
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 18, 2018
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • You know you"re Taliban if...
    • You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
    • You own a 3000 quid machine gun and 5000 quid rocket launcher, but you can"t afford shoes.
    • You have more wives than teeth.
    • You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean."
    • You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
    • You can"t think of anyone you HAVEN"T declared Jihad against.
    • You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
    • You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
    • You"ve often uttered the phrase, "I love what you"ve done with your cave."
    • You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
    • You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.
    • You"ve ever had a crush on your neighbour"s goat.
     
    #5736
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 19, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Loveitupthebush, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I hate Christmas shopping for the wife, just wasted 45 minutes in a queue to discover Poundland don’t do gift vouchers.
     
    #5737
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 19, 2018
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5738
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 19, 2018
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5739
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 19, 2018
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  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Off to Parliament to see if Jeremy Corbyn fancies calling One a “stupid woman” too...
     
    #5740
    kiwiqpr, Dec 20, 2018
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