Hilarious Jokes

Ive just been offered 8 legs of Venison for 50 quid.

Does anyone think that’s two deer?

 

A Muslim dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates...

He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.

Having arrived at the Gates of
Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.

"Are you Mohammed?" he asks.

"No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up." And he points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.

Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, he climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs through the clouds, coming to a room where he meets another bearded man.

He asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"

"No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still."

Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he continues to climb the ladder and, yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard.

Full of hope, he asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"

"No, I am Jesus... You will find Mohammed higher up."

Mohammed is higher than Jesus!

The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher.

Once again he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question:

"Are you Mohammed?" he gasps as he is, by now, totally out of breath from all his
climbing.

"No, my son.....I am God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a coffee?"

"Yes, please!" said the man.

God looks behind him, claps his hands, and calls out:

"Hey Mohammed, two coffees!"

 

Didn't read.

 

No point ... you're on course for the basement...

 

Since I don't believe in either that makes you a ****ing decrepit racist bellend so **** and top yourself properly this time ****head.

 

Rear entrance merchant for sure ...

 

please log in to view this image

 

please log in to view this image

 

Sundial