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Hilarious Jokes

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by monacoger, Jul 13, 2023.

  1. Saf

    Saf Not606 Godfather+NOT606 Poster of the year 2023

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    Ive just been offered 8 legs of Venison for 50 quid.

    Does anyone think that’s two deer?
     
    #681
  2. Toby

    Toby GC's Life Coach

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  3. HRH Custard VC

    HRH Custard VC National Car Park Attendant

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  4. HRH Custard VC

    HRH Custard VC National Car Park Attendant

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  5. monacoger

    monacoger POTY 2021

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    A Muslim dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates...

    He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.

    Having arrived at the Gates of
    Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.

    "Are you Mohammed?" he asks.

    "No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up." And he points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.

    Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, he climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs through the clouds, coming to a room where he meets another bearded man.

    He asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"

    "No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still."

    Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he continues to climb the ladder and, yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard.

    Full of hope, he asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"

    "No, I am Jesus... You will find Mohammed higher up."

    Mohammed is higher than Jesus!

    The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher.

    Once again he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question:

    "Are you Mohammed?" he gasps as he is, by now, totally out of breath from all his
    climbing.

    "No, my son.....I am God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a coffee?"

    "Yes, please!" said the man.

    God looks behind him, claps his hands, and calls out:

    "Hey Mohammed, two coffees!"
     
    #685
  6. Easter Road 1980

    Easter Road 1980 Well-Known Member

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    Didn't read.
     
    #686
    Mick O'Toon likes this.
  7. FosseFilberto

    FosseFilberto Pizzeria Superiore and some ...
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    No point ... you're on course for the basement...
     
    #687
  8. Easter Road 1980

    Easter Road 1980 Well-Known Member

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    Since I don't believe in either that makes you a ****ing decrepit racist bellend so **** and top yourself properly this time ****head.
     
    #688
  9. DMD

    DMD Eh?
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  10. HRH Custard VC

    HRH Custard VC National Car Park Attendant

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  11. FosseFilberto

    FosseFilberto Pizzeria Superiore and some ...
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    Rear entrance merchant for sure ...
     
    #691
  12. FosseFilberto

    FosseFilberto Pizzeria Superiore and some ...
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  13. Toby

    Toby GC's Life Coach

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  14. Toby

    Toby GC's Life Coach

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  15. HRH Custard VC

    HRH Custard VC National Car Park Attendant

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  16. monacoger

    monacoger POTY 2021

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  17. Toby

    Toby GC's Life Coach

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #697
  18. Toby

    Toby GC's Life Coach

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  19. Toby

    Toby GC's Life Coach

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #699
  20. Gambol

    Gambol George Clooney's wee brother

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    Sundial
     
    #700
    Toby likes this.

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