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JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Pythagoras" theorem: 24 words.
    The Lord"s prayer: 66 words.
    Archimedes" Principle: 67 words.
    The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
    The Gettysburg address: 286 words.
    The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.
    U.S. Government regulations on cabbage sales: 26,911 words.
     
    #6081
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 26, 2019
    swanseaandproud, neveroffsidereff and daimungeezer like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I entered the young musician of the year today

    She didn't half scream..........
     
    #6082
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 26, 2019
    swanseaandproud, Taffvalerowdy, neveroffsidereff and 1 other person like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I invited my girlfriend round to my place and showed her my stamp collection "Wow" she said "I've never seen one so big!"

    "Thanks" I replied "but Philately will get you nowhere"
     
    #6083
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 26, 2019
    Taffvalerowdy, neveroffsidereff and daimungeezer like this.
  4. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2019-11-26_21-38-15.jpeg
     
    #6084
    Taffvalerowdy, Nov 26, 2019
    Wooperts_duck, TheRealBubbles, swanseaandproud and 2 others like this.
  5. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2019-11-27_8-24-39.jpeg
     
    #6085
    Taffvalerowdy, Nov 27, 2019
    Wooperts_duck, swantastic and daimungeezer like this.
  6. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    A young man wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived some distance away. He consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too romantic and not too personal. Off he went with his sister to Marks and Spencer’s and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time. Marks and Spencer’s had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and our man unknowingly got the knickers. So he sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.
    Dear Maggie
    I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.
    I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.
    When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.
    Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.
    I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
    All my love,
    P.
    P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing.
     
    #6086
    swantastic, Nov 27, 2019
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  7. swanseaandproud

    swanseaandproud Well-Known Member

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    #6087
    swanseaandproud, Nov 27, 2019
    daimungeezer, Wooperts_duck and TheRealBubbles like this.
  8. swanseaandproud

    swanseaandproud Well-Known Member

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    #6088
    swanseaandproud, Nov 27, 2019
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  9. TheRealBubbles

    TheRealBubbles Well-Known Member

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    Fvck sake I thought you were dead
     
    #6089
    TheRealBubbles, Nov 27, 2019
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6090
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 27, 2019
    daimungeezer and Taffvalerowdy like this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6091
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 27, 2019
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6092
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 28, 2019
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6093
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 28, 2019
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6094
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 28, 2019
    Victor, daimungeezer, Taffvalerowdy and 1 other person like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6095
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 28, 2019
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6096
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 28, 2019
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6097
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 28, 2019
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6098
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 28, 2019
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  19. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2019-11-28_18-24-56.jpeg
     
    #6099
    Taffvalerowdy, Nov 28, 2019
    daimungeezer, Victor and Wooperts_duck like this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6100
    Wooperts_duck, Nov 28, 2019
    daimungeezer and neveroffsidereff like this.
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