A farmer buys a young Cock. As soon as he gets it home,it f*cks all the 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch the Cock again screws all 150 hens. Next day,it's f*cking the Ducks,and the Geese too. Sadly,later in the day,he finds the Cock lying on the ground half-dead,and Vultures circling overhead. Farmer says,"You deserved it,you Horny B*stard!" The Cock opens one eye, points up and says..........."Ssshhh. They're about to land!!"
I staggered in pissed out of my head last night. My wife stormed up to me and punched me in the face. I said "You should be a boxer"She said "Why, am I a hard puncher?" I said "No, your nose is flat and bent and you"re ugly".
Mick: "Do you have an idol?" Paddy: "Yes, my dad. I worship the ground he rolls on." Mick: "Rolls? Is he in a wheelchair?" Paddy: "No, he"s a drunk."
I went to the doctor today to talk about contraception. She said "You could try French letters". I said "What"s that?" She said "Condoms" I said "I don"t like them". So she said "You should try the French Army method then". I said "What"s that?" She said "You pull out before you get into trouble!".
I got thrown out of the cinema for taking my own food yesterday. Been ages since I've had a barbecue.