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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #30261
    antipodean exile, Apr 29, 2024
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  2. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #30262
    antipodean exile, Apr 29, 2024
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  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #30263
    antipodean exile, Apr 29, 2024
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    What's Red and goes, "BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP?"

    The Liverpool open top parade bus reversing back into the garage.
     
    #30264
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 29, 2024
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #30265
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 29, 2024
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #30266
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 29, 2024
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  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    When your nan finds out you haven't had any breakfast......

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    #30267
    antipodean exile, Apr 30, 2024
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  8. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    antipodean exile, Apr 30, 2024
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  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    antipodean exile, Apr 30, 2024
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  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    antipodean exile, Apr 30, 2024
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  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #30271
    antipodean exile, Apr 30, 2024
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  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #30272
    antipodean exile, Apr 30, 2024
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  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    antipodean exile, Apr 30, 2024
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #30274
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 30, 2024
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #30275
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 30, 2024
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #30276
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 30, 2024
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Irish man answered his door to find a grim-faced Garda officer waiting in the front yard. "We're sorry, Mr. O' Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen" said the officer. “Tell me! Did you find her?" Michael Patrick O'Flynn asked. The Garda officer said, "I have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?" Fearing the worst, Mr. O' Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first." The officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife's body in the bay." "Lord sufferin' Jesus and Holy Mother of God!" exclaimed O' Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?" The officer continued, "When we pulled the late, departed poor Maureen up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch." Stunned, Mr. O' Flynn demanded, "Glory be to God, if that's the good news, then what's the really great news?" The officer replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."
     
    #30277
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 30, 2024
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #30278
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 30, 2024
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  19. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #30279
    antipodean exile, May 1, 2024
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  20. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    The king wanted to go fishing, and he asked the royal weather forecaster the forecast for the next few hours. The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain.
    So the king and the queen went fishing. On the way he met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and he asked the man if the fish were biting.
    The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge rainstorm."
    The king replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an educated and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him."
    So the king continued on his way. However, in a short time a torrential rain fell from the sky The King and Queen were totally soaked.
    Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the meteorologist. Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious position of royal forecaster.
    The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."
    So the king hired the donkey.
    And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential positions of government.
    The practice is unbroken to this date.
     
    #30280
    antipodean exile, May 1, 2024
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