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**** jokes thread

Discussion in 'The Premier League' started by PINKIE, Sep 21, 2017.

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  1. Libby

    Libby 9-0

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    Two blondes walk into a bar...

    You would've thought one of them had seen it....


    <sorry>
     
    #21
    Libby, Sep 21, 2017
    Blueman and PINKIE like this.
  2. Commachio

    Commachio Rambo 2021

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    Man under a pile of leaves


    Named Russel.
     
    #22
    Commachio, Sep 21, 2017
    AKCJ, Lovearsenalcock, Blueman and 1 other person like this.
  3. Libby

    Libby 9-0

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    That was a summer without football thread if I ever saw one... Decent thread but wrong time of year <laugh>
     
    #23
    Libby, Sep 21, 2017
    Lovearsenalcock and PINKIE like this.
  4. PINKIE

    PINKIE Wurzel Gummidge

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    What do you call a computer that can sing ?

    A Dell
     
    #24
    PINKIE, Sep 21, 2017
    remembercolinlee, BobbyD, farnboromackem and 5 others like this.
  5. PINKIE

    PINKIE Wurzel Gummidge

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    I went to the bookshop and asked the owner if she had any books about Turtles.
    'Hardback ?' she asked.
    'Yes they do' I replied.
     
    #25
    PINKIE, Sep 21, 2017
  6. Blueman

    Blueman Well-Known Member

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    Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm scizophrenic and so am I.
     
    #26
    Blueman, Sep 21, 2017
    remembercolinlee, Commachio and Lovearsenalcock like this.
  7. "Thanks for that Brian"

    "Thanks for that Brian" Well-Known Member

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    I threw my vacuum cleaner out of my home last week. It was just here gathering dust.
     
    #27
    "Thanks for that Brian", Sep 21, 2017
    remembercolinlee, luvgonzo, Libby and 4 others like this.
  8. Blueman

    Blueman Well-Known Member

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    How do you know that the Spice Girls have been on the computer? There's Tipex on the screen.
     
    #28
    Blueman, Sep 21, 2017
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  9. Lovearsenalcock

    Lovearsenalcock Homeboy
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    What do you call a black guy in a suit?



    guilty
     
    #29
    Lovearsenalcock, Sep 21, 2017
    BobbyD, Deleted, Libby and 3 others like this.
  10. PINKIE

    PINKIE Wurzel Gummidge

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    ****ing Hell <laugh>
     
    #30
    PINKIE, Sep 21, 2017
    Lovearsenalcock likes this.

  11. Tobes

    Tobes Warden
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    What do you call a Muslim with a packet of bacon on his head?

    Amhed

    What do you call a Muslim with 2 packs of bacon on his head?

    Mohammad

    What do you call a Muslim with 2 packs of bacon on his head and a vibrator shoved up his arse?

    Sheikh Mohammed
     
    #31
    Tobes, Sep 21, 2017
    BobbyD, Tel (they/them), Deleted and 3 others like this.
  12. Tobes

    Tobes Warden
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    that's meant to be a scouser tbf
     
    #32
    Tobes, Sep 21, 2017
  13. Commachio

    Commachio Rambo 2021

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    French footballer playing games.

    Thiery on Wii.
     
    #33
    Commachio, Sep 21, 2017
    BobbyD, Deleted #, Lovearsenalcock and 2 others like this.
  14. Lovearsenalcock

    Lovearsenalcock Homeboy
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    <laugh>

    love that joke...too good not to share
     
    #34
    Lovearsenalcock, Sep 21, 2017
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  15. PINKIE

    PINKIE Wurzel Gummidge

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    My cat swallowed a ball of wool


    Two weeks later she had mittens
     
    #35
    PINKIE, Sep 21, 2017
    remembercolinlee, Lovearsenalcock and Blueman like this.
  16. Libby

    Libby 9-0

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    A year 9 class in Portsmouth...

    Teacher: all of you should know that no matter what others shouldn't judge you including others here.

    Pupil: well, my mums a heroin addict. My dad left when I was young, and I have to steal food to eat because my mum can't look after me, my step parent has abused me from a young age too...

    Teacher: well that's not that bad, it's not ideal but it's life and you shouldn't be embarrassed by it... We're all different and we shouldn't judge people by their individual circumstances.

    Pupil: I understand that miss but you haven't heard the worst part yet... I'm a Pompey fan because of my parent and they have made me support them all my life...

    Teacher: bloody hell you poor bastard, why did you bring up being poor and being abused before mentioning that you were a Pompey fan?

    Pupil: I was too embarrassed to mention that part miss.

    Teacher: oh right, well I'm not surprised, ya dirty skate bastard!


    Old joke which I've blatantly ****ed up because I'm drunk n added my own personal spin <laugh>


    Anyway... Up the ****ing Scum <cheers>
     
    #36
    Libby, Sep 21, 2017
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  17. PINKIE

    PINKIE Wurzel Gummidge

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    What do you call a woman who can't draw ?


    Tracey
     
    #37
    PINKIE, Sep 21, 2017
    remembercolinlee, Commachio and JakartaToon like this.
  18. Libby

    Libby 9-0

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    ****ing modern Britain with all this social media bollocks.

    In my day instagram was just a really efficenct drug dealer.
     
    #38
    Libby, Sep 21, 2017
    Burly Hurley, Lovearsenalcock and PINKIE like this.
  19. Lovearsenalcock

    Lovearsenalcock Homeboy
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #39
    Lovearsenalcock, Sep 21, 2017
    AKCJ, Tel (they/them), Deleted and 3 others like this.
  20. Commachio

    Commachio Rambo 2021

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    If you see someone doing a crossword. Tell them 7 up is lemonade.
     
    #40
    Commachio, Sep 21, 2017
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