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**** jokes thread

Discussion in 'The Premier League' started by PINKIE, Sep 21, 2017.

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  1. PINKIE

    PINKIE Wurzel Gummidge

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    My dog only responds when I talk to him in Spanish.

    It must be the breed, he's Espanyol.
     
    #61
    PINKIE, Sep 22, 2017
    Deleted likes this.
  2. Tobes

    Tobes Warden
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    2 nuns in the bath

    "Where's the soap Sister Mary?"

    "Yes it does doesn't it Sister Theresa"
     
    #62
    Tobes, Sep 22, 2017
    "Thanks for that Brian", Libby and commachio like this.
  3. PINKIE

    PINKIE Wurzel Gummidge

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    I was making a pizza with Hawaiian topping last night, but I burned it.

    Must remember to use Aloha setting.
     
    #63
    PINKIE, Sep 22, 2017
    remembercolinlee likes this.
  4. Commachio

    Commachio Rambo 2021

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    My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
     
    #64
    Commachio, Sep 22, 2017
    "Thanks for that Brian", Burly Hurley, Lovearsenalcock and 2 others like this.
  5. remembercolinlee

    remembercolinlee Well-Known Member

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    Man found floating in the thames wearing stockings, peep hole bra, crotchless knickers, a dog chain, an arsenal shirt and had an inflatable sheep strapped to his arse.
    The police agreed to the family's request to save him from being humilated in death...

    They removed the shirt
     
    #65
    remembercolinlee, Sep 22, 2017
    "Thanks for that Brian", PINKIE and Lovearsenalcock like this.
  6. PINKIE

    PINKIE Wurzel Gummidge

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    I met a girl in the pub the other night and told her that she reminded me of my little toe
    'Ahh is that because I'm small and cute ?' she said.
    'No, it's because I'll end up banging you on the kitchen table' I replied :)
     
    #66
    PINKIE, Sep 22, 2017
    "Thanks for that Brian", Burly Hurley, Libby and 2 others like this.
  7. Commachio

    Commachio Rambo 2021

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    <laugh> wtf
     
    #67
    Commachio, Sep 22, 2017
    Tobes likes this.
  8. Tobes

    Tobes Warden
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    Dyslexic atheist

    Doesn't believe in dog
     
    #68
    Tobes, Sep 22, 2017
    remembercolinlee, Deleted # and PINKIE like this.
  9. PINKIE

    PINKIE Wurzel Gummidge

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    Duh ... it was a Spurs shirt <doh>

    Would have been funny otherwise <whistle>
     
    #69
    PINKIE, Sep 22, 2017
    remembercolinlee likes this.
  10. PINKIE

    PINKIE Wurzel Gummidge

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    How does the Pope pay for his internet shopping ?

    He uses Papal.
     
    #70
    PINKIE, Sep 22, 2017
    Libby, Tobes, remembercolinlee and 1 other person like this.

  11. remembercolinlee

    remembercolinlee Well-Known Member

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    Dr dr i have broken my arm in the same place 5 times.

    Stay the **** away from thete then
     
    #71
    remembercolinlee, Sep 22, 2017
  12. PINKIE

    PINKIE Wurzel Gummidge

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    How do you think the unthinkable ?


    Thail it into an itheberg
     
    #72
    PINKIE, Sep 22, 2017
    remembercolinlee, BobbyD, AKCJ and 2 others like this.
  13. Lovearsenalcock

    Lovearsenalcock Homeboy
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    What happened to the Irish shop lifter?

    They found him dead under Primark




    please log in to view this image





    please log in to view this image
     
    #73
    Lovearsenalcock, Sep 22, 2017
    PINKIE likes this.
  14. PINKIE

    PINKIE Wurzel Gummidge

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    My missus asked me to pass her the lipstick the other day, but I accidentally handed over a tube of superglue


    She's still not talking to me.
     
    #74
    PINKIE, Sep 22, 2017
    AKCJ, remembercolinlee and Lovearsenalcock like this.
  15. remembercolinlee

    remembercolinlee Well-Known Member

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    Did you know diarreah is hereditary?

    It runs in your jeans
     
    #75
    remembercolinlee, Sep 22, 2017
    "Thanks for that Brian", PINKIE and commachio like this.
  16. remembercolinlee

    remembercolinlee Well-Known Member

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    What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes

    Doyouthinkhesaurus
     
    #76
    remembercolinlee, Sep 22, 2017
    PINKIE and commachio like this.
  17. remembercolinlee

    remembercolinlee Well-Known Member

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    Two nuns sitting in a park and a man flashes at them.

    One has a stroke....but the other couldn't reach
     
    #77
    remembercolinlee, Sep 22, 2017
    BobbyD, PINKIE, Lovearsenalcock and 2 others like this.
  18. remembercolinlee

    remembercolinlee Well-Known Member

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    What's the difference between a stoat and a weasle?
    Ones weasily wecognised and the other is stoatally different
     
    #78
    remembercolinlee, Sep 22, 2017
    "Thanks for that Brian" and PINKIE like this.
  19. remembercolinlee

    remembercolinlee Well-Known Member

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    What's the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?

    You get to see one in a while but won't see the other til later
     
    #79
    remembercolinlee, Sep 22, 2017
    Burly Hurley, commachio and Lovearsenalcock like this.
  20. remembercolinlee

    remembercolinlee Well-Known Member

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    My wife calls me condescending

    That means I talk down to people
     
    #80
    remembercolinlee, Sep 22, 2017
    "Thanks for that Brian" and Lovearsenalcock like this.
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