**** jokes thread

Why don't dodos talk?

Cos they dead

 

Burglaries in tower blocks.

Wrong on so many levels

 

Whats the main cause of dry skin?



Towels

 

Played chess with a mate the other night and he said lets make this intetesting.
So we stopped playing

 

My wife was raised as an only child...really pissed her sister off

 

Saw an Aussie geezer singing dancing queen and money money money.

He was an abba ridginal

 

My wife wore a lovely slinky dress when we went out the other night.

She looked great coming downstairs

 

My wife was so ill and no doctors could help her so we followed an old medical remedy covered her in lard ... she went downhill fast.

 

I saw a video of an execution of a death row inmste on line and it really made me think.

Is there nothing on the internet that I won't bang one out to?

 

What do you call a fish with no eyes?


A fsh

 

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

 

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

 

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

 

Right let's test the water...

What do you call a girl getting ****ed by 4 asain men in Rochdale?



A victim.

 

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

 

You've just changed this from bad jokes to sick jokes

What's worse than finding a toenail in your soup?



Rape.

 

The Beach Boys walk into a bar.

"Round?"
"Round?"
"Get a round"
"I get a round?"
"Get around...."

 

You know me pal

What's the best think about ****ing twenty eight year olds?





There's twenty of them.

 

What's worse than having Michael Jackson babysit your kids?










Having Ian Huntley bath them.

 

The neighbour’s dog shat in our garden, so my wife told me to get a shovel and throw it over the fence. I don’t see what that solved, now we’ve got dog **** in our garden and the neighbours have our shovel.