Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde, who kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said, and after several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow ?”

 

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors, and 'cos the poor dear was several sandwiches short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her eccentric behaviour, and some of them even joined in the fun.
One day Ethel was speeding along one of the corridors when a man stepped out of one of the doorways with his arm outstretched:
“Stop !” he said firmly. “Have you got a licence for that thing?” Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit-Kat wrapper, which she handed to him with a big smile. “OK,” he said, and off she went again.
Taking the corner by the TV lounge on one wheel as usual, she found another man standing in the corridor in front of her. “Stop !” he said firmly, “Have you got a valid registration for that vehicle, madam?” Ethel dug into her handbag again and came up with a well-used beermat, which she presented for inspection, and she was sent on her way once more.
Heading down the last corridor before the front door, a third man stepped out in front of her, stark naked, and holding a sizable erection in one hand.
“Oh, no,” cried Ethel, “Not the breathalyser again !”

 

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I sat next to a very obese monk on the bus, and we got chatting, but all that he talked about was philosophy and theology . . . . he was a deep fat friar.

 

Lucky bugger

 

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