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Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Smug in Boots, Jan 19, 2015.
I would have gone absolutely spare and called for the rest of the team to strike!
If I die in the next week or so can someone spread my ashes in the women's long jump sand pit please?
I went to a fish restaurant last night and ordered the Octopus.
The waiter said, "It takes 4 hours to cook."
I replied, "Why?"
He said, "Because it keeps turning the gas off!"
Oldie but goodie.
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.
"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea. Now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times."
Just got An E-mail from Purple Bricks saying I could sell my house for less than £750, to be honest I was hoping to get a hell of a lot more money for it, But hey £750 is £750, Don't think the council will be happy about it..
I walked past a bus stop earlier and graffiti on it said Debbie is a slapper. I thought how mean thoughtless and inconsiderate that was. No phone number, no email, nothing!!.
Anyone who jumps off a bridge in Paris is in Seine !
Father Murphy looked uneasy as he attempted to greet the wedding guests at the entrance to St Bernadette’s Church.
He doesn’t say much and he looks uncomfortable but the congregation know him to be a bit shy.
As the bride arrives, Father Murphy makes his way to the altar and, as the couple approach, he gives the best speech anyone has ever heard.
Not only is it an excellent speech, full of wisdom and insight but he appears to be confident and he has everyone rolling on the floor laughing.
After the couple have made their vows and everyone is leaving, Father Murphy steps down from the altar and once again he becomes tongue-tied and shy and barely manages to say a word to anyone.
Feeling a little sorry for him, the groom says,
“I hope you don’t mind me asking Father, but why are you so shy now? You seemed like a different person when you were up there giving that speech earlier.“
“I know“, Father Murphy responded, “but that was just my altar ego.”
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Boris Johnson visited a village in Cornwall and asked the inhabitants what the govt could do for them.
We have 2 big needs said the village spokesman. The first is we have a health centre but no doctor.
Boris whipped out his mobile, talked for a while then said, That's sorted, you'll have a doctor here tomorrow. Now, what was your other need?
Well, we have no mobile reception at all in our village, so . . . .
The picture that we've all been waiting for . . . .
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Brilliant ! Now some clear evidence that thePope is a catholic , and we can sleep at night
Heung Min Son has confirmed that he will be Trophyless till 2025.