At 2pm this evening Kim Jung-Un started the irreversible trend towards war after ordering troops to cross the border. South Korean troops were first alerted after hearing Northern chants of "Park, Park, wherever you may be... at least you get to eat in your own country." South Koreans immediately responded putting on their red table-cloth uniforms with the word 'Rooney' on the back. As defeat seemed inevitable for the South one soldier with whiskey breath could be seen anxiously looking at his watch. International support has been thin for South Korea. Japan was detained after a giant lizard was found to be eating Tokyo. The lizard, (mind controlled by an alien race that looks and spoke Japanese,) appeared to be aided by a giant moth. New Zealand was the first to respond sending 13 dwarves and one excavated Homo Floresiensis to aid the South Koreans. The United States promises swift retaliation. Obama has put before Congress a resolution to pen a letter calling Kim Jong-Un a fat ****er and ask him nicely to dismantle their nuclear weapons so that they can safely invade.
This Kim Jong In lad is making my holy dick itch now. I have a bit of inside knowledge on this. Kim Jong I'll came up to heaven for a trial before I sent the little ****er to burn for all eternity, turns out un isnt even his son, he swiped him from outside tesco. Psy is the he true Ayr to the north Korean throne, but he defected to the south cos the poontang is better. Anyway, just spoken to the old man and have sorted kim jong jnr out with a bout of syphilis. That'll do to start with.
Just some weird looking carpenter bloke the romans stuck up on cross a few years back. Son of Robbie Fowler, i've been told.
I am the son of Robbie Fowler and Cilla Black. Saints ton, there is a place on my right had side for you when you reach heaven, but that won't be for a very omg time. Milk Milk, that is blasphemy, we will chat soon.
France In light of the recent events in Korea the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability. England The English are also feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Korea and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. Scottish The Scots have raised their threat level from "f**k Off" to "Let's get the pis***s." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. Italian Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." German The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose." Belgian Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels . Spanish The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Australia Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
that is class though the man himself missed out on his own nations response. Ireland The Irish have raised their threat level from "jaysus I'm dying for a pint" to "I've been on the batter for 3 days, i'd murder a fry" after this there's only the stomach pumping and wake. everyone knows there's no way the bloody north keoreans are going to stop the irish getting to that wake, war or no war.
I'm English Edit: ...and Zingy was right to assume it wasn't my work. Stole it from a 'doing-the-rounds' email
The U.S.A's response is: " Nuke 'em". They only have one level. They'd do it if only they knew where North Korea is.