Some Fun For a Friday Afternoon

Nods, sagely...

 

#1 is the only way I can get a sensible answer.
#5 is the reason smartphones were invented.

The rest are spot on...

 

I still get a chuckle out of this...

 

Strange creatures, women - for some reason, my wife doesn't find this at all funny...

 

I'd sue his frikkin arse off!!!

 

Moral of the story - lay off the marijuana if you don't want to become a crack spider's bitch...

 

A man in Scotland called his son Rick in London the day before Christmas Eve and said, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screamed. “We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” his father said. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.
” Frantic, Rick called his sister, who exploded. “Like hell they're getting divorced!” she shouted. “I'll take care of this!” She called Scotland immediately and screamed at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling Rick back and we'll both be there tomorrow.
Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hung up.
The old man put down the phone, turned to his wife and said, “Sorted! They're coming for Christmas and they're paying their own way.”

 

Strangely no mention of impersonating a giraffe...

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THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:

1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."
2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."
3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."
4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."
5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."
6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."
7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."
8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."
9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."
10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."
12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."
13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."
14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."
15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."
16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."
17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."
19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

 

Ah, the British on holiday... can always be relied upon...

 

I didnt know where to put this

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-65981876

What complete and utter idiots.... entitled twats etc etc!

 

Hopefully this is a parody account, but you can never tell these days...

 

BREAKING NEWS: Reports coming in that Russian leader, Vladimir Putin, is receiving advice from long-term ally and disgraced former British Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, on which brand fridge is the best to hide in.

 

With BoJo it surely had to be a Smeg.

 

I suspect that reflects reality in the majority of households...

 

Not sure where to put this Aliexpress offering.

Sunset Outside Watford Street Socks cotton socks men Socks with print Stockings compression

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https://www.aliexpress.com/item/100...1!sea!NZ!166815847&curPageLogUid=mbJRgqMkoCOm

 

On your feet?

At $11 a pair they sound cheap enough - but I've had problems aplenty buying stuff from China, so they're not for me...

 

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