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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6481
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 7, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Wherever like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6482
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 7, 2019
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6483
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 7, 2019
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6484
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 7, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and BluefromBridgend like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    BREAKING NEWS:-

    A man has been found dead in the Solent. He was wearing a Southampton shirt, women's knickers, fishnet stockings, a blow up doll on the end of his penis and a dildo up his arse.

    Police have removed the shirt to spare his family any embarrassment!
     
    #6485
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 8, 2019
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6486
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 8, 2019
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6487
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 8, 2019
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6488
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 9, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, Taffvalerowdy and San Diego like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6489
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 9, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Taffvalerowdy and 1 other person like this.
  10. San Diego

    San Diego Sir Mediator
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    Wow, just wow!
     
    #6490
    San Diego, Aug 10, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr and Wooperts_duck like this.

  11. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    Rooney was buying some presents and he was wandering a store when he saw some tartan items on a shelf.

    He asked the shop assistant what they were.

    They are thermos flasks.

    What are they asks Wayne.

    Well says the assistant, they keep hot things hot and cold things cold.

    Wayne buys one.

    A couple days later he's at training. As he's unpacking his bag he pulls out his flask.

    One of his team mates asks what it is.

    Its a themos flask says Wayne.

    What is it for asks his team mate.

    Well says Wayne, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.

    Wow says his team mate. What have you got in it?

    Vegetable soup and a choc-ice says Wayne.
     
    #6491
    Taffvalerowdy, Aug 10, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6492
    kiwiqpr, Aug 11, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6493
    kiwiqpr, Aug 11, 2019
    Makemstine Roger and Wooperts_duck like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A newly married couple moved into their new home. The next day, the woman asked her husband: "Darling, one of the pipes in the bathroom is leaking, could you please fix it?" The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like to you, Bob the Builder?" A few days later, the woman asked another favour from her husband: "Honey, my car isn’t starting, can you drive me to the grocery store?" The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like to you, a taxi driver?" A week later, the woman discovers a leak on the roof. "Darling, the roof is leaking, can you please find a reliable handyman to fix it for us?" The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like to you, the yellow pages?"
    One rainy day, the husband suddenly noticed that the leak had disappeared. He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn’t leaking either. When the woman returned home in her car, the husband asked her, "My dear, how it is that there are no more leaks and the car is working?" She replied, "Oh, I ran into one of our neighbours, Daniel. He’s such a nice guy, he came and fixed everything.”
    "Wow," marvelled the husband, "did he charge us for all of it?"
    "No," said the woman. "He said he would do it for free if I baked him a cake or slept with him."
    "Oh good," the husband rejoiced. "What kind of cake did you bake him?" The woman looked at the husband and said, "What do I look like to you, Mary Berry?”
     
    #6494
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 12, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and 1 other person like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6495
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 12, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and 1 other person like this.
  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6496
    kiwiqpr, Aug 12, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Taffvalerowdy and 1 other person like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6497
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 12, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  18. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    A 'Carry On' Actor walked into a bar and asked for a 'Double Entendre'.
    The barman gave him one.

    How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
    Chuck him in the microwave until its' Bill Withers'.
     
    #6498
    Taffvalerowdy, Aug 12, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
  19. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    Dianne Abbott visited Northern Ireland. She was asked, "What do you think of County Down?"

    She replied, "It's not been the same since Carol Vorderman finished."
     
    #6499
    Taffvalerowdy, Aug 12, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
  20. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    Paddy was on his death bed and knew the end was near.

    His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in Belfast .

    He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.

    When all is ready he begins to speak:

    "My son Seamus, I want you to take the houses in Cultra."

    "My daughter Geraldine , you take the apartments over in Malone Road."

    "My son Patrick Junior, I want you to take the offices in the City centre."

    "Bridget, my dear wife, please take all the residential properties on the Upper Lisburn Road ."

    The nurse and witnesses are blown away. They did not realize the extent of Paddy's wealth. As he slips away, the nurse says to his wife, "Mrs. O'Shaughnessy, my deepest condolences. Your husband must have been such a hard-working and wonderful man to have accumulated all this property"..

    "Property?”, his wife replies. “The ****er had a window cleaning round."
     
    #6500
    Taffvalerowdy, Aug 12, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
Page 325 of 749
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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