1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

Page 522 of 748
  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,750
    Likes Received:
    263,829
    Three old boys chatting in the care home and one says "I am really struggling at the moment, I go for days and days without taking a dump and when I do it is agony trying to push it out, it's making my life a nightmare" The second says "Well I am struggling to take a piss properly, sometimes I go without one for ages and when I do eventually manage to go I'm lucky if I get a dribble coming out" The third chap says "You two don't know a damn thing about struggles. At 6:00 every morning I take a massive dump and a piss that a racehorse would be proud of"

    "What's wrong with that?" they asked

    "I don't wake up until 7:30!"
     
    #10421
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 21, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,750
    Likes Received:
    263,829
    A man returned from hospital looking worried.
    "What's the matter?" asked his wife.
    "The consultant said I have to take one of these tablets every day for the rest of my life," the husband replied.
    "That's not too bad," said the wife, trying to cheer him up.
    "It is," said the husband, "he only gave me seven."
     
    #10422
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 21, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,750
    Likes Received:
    263,829
    please log in to view this image
     
    #10423
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 21, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and BluefromBridgend like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,750
    Likes Received:
    263,829
    please log in to view this image
     
    #10424
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and BluefromBridgend like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,750
    Likes Received:
    263,829
    please log in to view this image
     
    #10425
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,750
    Likes Received:
    263,829
    please log in to view this image
     
    #10426
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,750
    Likes Received:
    263,829
    please log in to view this image
     
    #10427
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,750
    Likes Received:
    263,829
    please log in to view this image
     
    #10428
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,750
    Likes Received:
    263,829
    Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. "I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back."
    "Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello."
    "I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now."
    Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, "Audi, partners!"
     
    #10429
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
    Makemstine Roger and San Diego like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,750
    Likes Received:
    263,829
    Went to see a mind reader last night.
    She said "Think of a card, any card"
    "OK"
    "Is it the four of clubs?"
    "No"
    "Ace of diamonds?"
    "No"
    "What is it then?"
    "Birthday"
     
    #10430
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,750
    Likes Received:
    263,829
    The self-depreciation society is taking applications for new members...

    I've already put myself down!
     
    #10431
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 22, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,750
    Likes Received:
    263,829
    please log in to view this image
     
    #10432
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 23, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,750
    Likes Received:
    263,829
    We were so skint as kids, my mother used to buy my clothes from army and navy stores.

    I was the only Japanese general at school.
     
    #10433
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 23, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,750
    Likes Received:
    263,829
    please log in to view this image
     
    #10434
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 23, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,750
    Likes Received:
    263,829
    I went into a bar in Spain & there was a huge bulls head on the wall.
    I said: "That must have been a big bull?"
    The barman said: "That bull killed my grandfather"
    I said: "Was he a bullfighter?"
    He said: "No. He was playing draughts over there and it fell on him!".
     
    #10435
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 25, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,750
    Likes Received:
    263,829
    please log in to view this image
     
    #10436
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 25, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,750
    Likes Received:
    263,829
    please log in to view this image
     
    #10437
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 25, 2021
    Makemstine Roger and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,750
    Likes Received:
    263,829
    please log in to view this image
     
    #10438
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 25, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and BluefromBridgend like this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,750
    Likes Received:
    263,829
    please log in to view this image
     
    #10439
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 25, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and BluefromBridgend like this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,750
    Likes Received:
    263,829
    please log in to view this image
     
    #10440
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 25, 2021
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
Page 522 of 748
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

Share This Page