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Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Garlic Klopp, Jan 13, 2014.

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  1. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    #3301
    Garlic Klopp, Mar 2, 2019
    kiwiqpr and Alisson Becker is N01 like this.
  2. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    #3302
    Garlic Klopp, Mar 2, 2019
    kiwiqpr likes this.
  3. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    #3303
    Garlic Klopp, Mar 2, 2019
    jenners04 likes this.
  4. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    #3304
    Garlic Klopp, Mar 2, 2019
    Schlem Boogerman and Zanjinho like this.
  5. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    Three psychiatrist are talking. . .

    Three psychiatrist are talking about how everyone comes to them with their problems but they have no one to go to with their problems. They agree to share their problems with each other.
    The first psychiatrist says, “I’m addicted to Barbiturates. I write myself prescriptions all the time.”
    The second psychiatrist says, “I’m a compulsive gambler. I overcharge my patients to pay for my gambling addiction.”

    The third psychiatrist says, “I can’t keep a secret. My patients tell me their secrets in confidence and I divulge it to everyone.”
     
    #3305
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Mar 3, 2019
    kiwiqpr likes this.
  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning
    the union of the bride and groom. It was
    their time to stand up and talk, or forever
    hold their peace. The moment of utter
    silence was broken by a young beautiful
    woman carrying a child. She started
    walking toward the pastor slowly.
    Everything quickly turned to chaos.
    The bride slapped the groom.
    The groom's mother fainted.
    The groomsmen started giving each
    other looks and wondering how best
    to help save the situation.

    The pastor asked the woman,
    "Can you tell us why you came forward?
    What do you have to say?"



    The woman replied,
    "We can't hear in the back."
     
    #3306
    kiwiqpr, Mar 3, 2019
  7. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #3307
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Mar 4, 2019
    kiwiqpr likes this.
  8. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #3308
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Mar 4, 2019
  9. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #3309
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Mar 4, 2019
    jenners04 and kiwiqpr like this.
  10. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #3310
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Mar 4, 2019
    jenners04 and kiwiqpr like this.

  11. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    #3311
    Garlic Klopp, Mar 4, 2019
    THE FOOL and organic red like this.
  12. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    #3312
    Garlic Klopp, Mar 4, 2019
    jenners04 and Zanjinho like this.
  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #3313
    kiwiqpr, Mar 4, 2019
  14. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #3314
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Mar 5, 2019
  15. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #3315
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Mar 5, 2019
  16. moreinjuredthanowen

    moreinjuredthanowen Mafiosi

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    fail.

    e minus.

    no paragraphs.

    countless punctuation issues.

    capitalisation issues.
     
    #3316
    moreinjuredthanowen, Mar 5, 2019
    kiwiqpr likes this.
  17. moreinjuredthanowen

    moreinjuredthanowen Mafiosi

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    c minus.

    spelled television wrong.

    a threatening note shouldn't have flowers and green spirally **** on it. should have skulls n ****.
     
    #3317
    moreinjuredthanowen, Mar 5, 2019
    kiwiqpr likes this.
  18. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”
     
    #3318
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Mar 5, 2019
    Garlic Klopp likes this.
  19. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    #3319
    Garlic Klopp, Mar 5, 2019
    RogerisontheHunt likes this.
  20. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties.
    One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.
    Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.
    "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says.
    The shop assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf.
    The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought.
    When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves.
    As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.
    After many trips she is tired and irritated and begins to wonder, "Why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?"
    Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below.
    Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd.
    Thinking that she can save herself another trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it raisin for you too?"
    "No," he stammers, "But it's quivering' a little."
     
    #3320
    Garlic Klopp, Mar 5, 2019
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