Jim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes. His new wife was standing there watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit golfing. Maybe you should sell your golf clubs." Jim gets this horrified look on his face. She says. "Darling, what's wrong?" "For a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife." "Ex-wife." She screams. "I didn't know you were married before!" "I wasn't!" He replied...
I didn't think that my uncle liked me but apparently he has left me a large building in his will. Does anyone know where Sod Hall is ?
A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favour?” “Of course you may. What can I do for you?” “Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I’m afraid that they’ll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?” “I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.” “With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.” When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?” “From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.” The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?” “I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.” Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, “God bless you, Father, go ahead.”
So I was working on a building site and the delivery driver said, 'Why won't you sign for these elevators?' I said 'I'm not allowed to accept lifts off strangers'.
